Let's play a game called WHATWETHINKISTHEPROBLEM BUTWHATSREALLYTHEPROBLEM!

I added the "!" to make it read like it's more fun, did it work?

What we think is the problem:

Our girls don't listen to us.

Here we are, over here with all this wisdom comin' out our ears, all the answers, gobs and gobs of been there, done that, got stacks of t-shirts...and she doesn't want to hear it.

I know. I KNOW.

If only.

But here's the part in the game where it gets interesting and dare I say...fun??

What if what she really doesn't want to hear is your

frustration

futurizing and catastrophizing

confusion

and limited understanding?

What if what's got her ears turned in the OFF position is an assumption that she already knows what you're going to say because, well

IT'S BEEN SAID A MILLION TIMES BEFORE?

It's not what you're saying it, it's HOW you're saying it.

So, now we have the REAL problem, and, WAIT FOR IT~

ONE WE CAN ACTUALLY SOLVE.

Doesn't that sound like a winner, winner chicken dinner or what???

Well, don't just stand there waiting for what's behind showcase #3, let's get to it!

Here's the trick to getting your daughter to want to talk to you and listen to what you have to say:

Practice being

peaceful

calm

curious

engaged

interested

trusting in your daughter's expertise on the matter and

unattached from the outcome of the situation.

Try to EMBODY that person.

Or put simply, just zip your lips and resist the urge to dole out advice or a lecture or a "heremoveoverlemmedoit".

It's not that she doesn't respect you or want your advice, it's that she doesn't want to feel even more judged or insecure in herself than she already does.

That's all.

Lastly, you can always wait on or ask for an invitation to give advice.

But do it like this:

This sounds like you're frustrated (sad/ confused/ hurt, whatevs). I hear you and I'd feel the same way. If you ever want or need help with how to handle it, I've got some ideas. Let me know if you'd like to hear them.

Listen.

Validate.

Ask for an invitation.

Don't get an invitation to today's Solution Summit?

No worries, there'll be another one happening soon.